Contrary to common assumptions I am not very self-confident. And I know lots of people who are not, either. I think that’s one of your biggest obstacles in life – to overcome your self-doubts and just be relaxed and happy. Once you’ve reached that state of mind, everything else will follow. And if it doesn’t, well, at least you couldn’t care less.
A friend of mine claims that low self-confidence stems from a too huge ego. Though contradictory at first sight, it actually does make sense: If your ego weren’t so huge, and your actual self did not constantly feel the need to try to catch up with that huge ego, there wouldn’t be any problem. You got two ways to solve that now: You either find yourself extremely awesome, just like that ego of yours does, and consequently repel people for being cocky and arrogant while being in constant danger to actually wake up from that dream-world, or you simply stop taking yourself so damn serious.
Make an advocated guess: I recommend the second option. I am continuously working on it, and even though it’s still a long way to go, I can already praise the effects. And since I am an active tinderer, observing more and more social peculiarities happening on this infamous app, I even came up with a theory: We should all be more like 22-year-old guys (who are on tinder)*. Now I’m not saying that all 20+-year-old guys on tinder don’t take themselves too serious – there are certainly lots among them who are extremely cocky – but in a general sense, they seem to not have any self-confidence problems. And the outcome is what counts most!
You cannot blame me for not having done my research properly. I even used my male friend’s tinder-account and talked to girls. So, I’ve seen both sides, and I’ve had several epiphanies. One: Girls* tend to ‘suck up’. They are focusing so much on being liked by the guy that they seem to lose themselves completely in the process. The oddest thing about that is that they might not even be interested in the guy. It’s a matter of principle. This is not news, and I had to observe it on myself several times throughout my (by now rather long) dating-career, but I hope it’s getting less. And I think keeping 20+-year-old-guys-on-tinder-behavior in mind can only help. Fact is, the meaner you are to girls on the chat, the more they suck up to you. If this sounds familiar to you now: yes, sorry, that was me writing in my friend’s name. But you liked it, didn’t you?
Two: Girls* are way too easy to impress. If a guy makes a compliment, girls* tend to feel obliged to be flattered. I mean, why? Do we really need the external approval of someone we haven’t even met? What does he know? If we look good on that one picture we put there, we certainly already know that – that’s why we put it there. Don’t feel flattered. Tell him to come up with something more original than that, because clearly, it’s not very clever. If the guy doesn’t make any compliments, however, girls* start to advertise themselves and brag about their skills and beauty in an utmost pathetic way. I have never had a guy doing that, at least not seriously. As a matter of fact, one told me how he stopped going to the gym and lost all his muscles in the past 2 years, and became all chubby from the vast amounts of alcohol he consumes now. Would you dare doing that if you need to catch up with your huge ego? There you go.
Three: Girls* don’t really know what they want. They claim they just wanna have fun, but it would also be nice to find someone to talk to, and yes, could he please be exclusive? But nothing complicated! Those young guys* instead, they know why they are there, and there’s nothing that can change their mind. They have decided to be single for at least the next three years, and they won’t let anything come between them and their decision. How much easier is life when you have a clear vision! What, you really don’t want anything serious? Great! Then you can just be yourself and nothing else; be nasty, be funny, do and say whatever comes to your mind, ‘cause you have the biggest gift there is: nothing to lose.
Four: Girls* think they are a princess. For guys*, it either seems self-evident that they are amazing (and thus there’s no need to stress it), or they simply don’t care. In fact, who told you you are special? Your parents? Ever thought of the fact that they had to? Now here’s the deal: If everyone was special, no one would be. The likelihood of you being special is very low, given the amount of other people out there. Pictures girls* tend to put on tinder reflect their need for confirmation of especialness – while guys* show their hobbies and themselves in action (or a fish they caught, but more to that later), girls have a reeeeaaally big close-up of their face, and then another one, with reeeeaaaally big Sailor-Moon-eyes, and then a third one, from a different angle.
Admittedly, I don’t really know the insides of those 20+-year-old-guys-on-tinder’s minds. All I can do is observe the outcome and interpret. And what they all seem to have in common is that they are true to themselves, and also relatively honest to others. Further, they expect – nothing. If you expect nothing, and you have nothing to lose, you probably live the happiest life there is. Now go and tell that to your ego. Because that one still thinks you deserve some fairy-tale marriage and a prince on a white horse because you are such a pretty special little princess**.