Which Pet-Type Are You – Hairy Or Human?

Have you ever felt alone, yearning for love and attention, wanting something useful to do and a task in life? How often did the thought of becoming a “crazy cat lady” (yes, also guys can be that) cross your mind in moments like this?

How about becoming a parent instead of a crazy cat lady?

How about becoming a parent instead of a crazy cat lady?

Well, worry not, these thoughts become totally redundant at some point. Let’s say most people reach this point at their mid-/late twenties:  They are done with their education, have a more or less stable income, and seek a new calling. Being totally fertile and at the peak of their reproduction ability, they consider getting a baby. Yes, like others consider getting a pet. Many people yearning for love ponder starting a family – simply to enrich their tedious lives with something warm that loves them and keeps them busy.

But it could be so much easier! Once you have figured out whether you are a cat- or a dog-person (easy – do you want your pet to be all over you and happy with the little things, or do you like them proud and independent, and a little bit bitchy?), you probably also figured out whether you want kids or not. I reckon there are some obvious similarities between toddlers and dogs: both love you doubtless and with all their passion. They can’t talk, and neither understand you, but they seem to get what you want from them. They are happy when you are happy. They eat and sleep. Sometimes they smell, often they make a mess – and all in all, they need you.

Therefore, if you are one of those people feeling the need for something that loves you, you should seriously consider getting a dog rather than a baby. Besides the most obvious advantages like not needing a partner or donor to have a dog, or not needing to squeeze it out of your body after carrying it for 9 months/bearing the person carrying it for 9 months (and in the worst case having to watch her squeeze it out), here are some advantages that dogs most certainly have over mini-humans:

  1. They remain cute and undemanding, no matter how much they grow.
    They will never start talking or asking stupid questions. They will never want to know the “why” of everything. They just acknowledge that you know it better, and love you for that.
  2. You can train them to not pee whenever they want.
    While you have to wait a couple of years for babies growing enough so that you can explain them how to use a toilet, dogs are way more clever: Even though they will never understand the language you are speaking, you can train them to not pee in the flat. Pressing a baby’s face in their own pee might help as well, but most likely childcare will soon stop you from doing that.
  3. You can train them to shut up.
    Same as with the peeing: it’s just a matter of training. The dog will stop barking, or howling, or begging, or whichever other annoying and noisemaking habit it might have. When a baby cries, however (which is way louder and much more frequent than a barking dog, btw), everyone just accepts that it’s a baby and it does that.
  4. You can train them to leave other people alone…
    Although a friend of mine once said that she doesn’t like animals because you can’t tell them to leave you alone and not “touch” you, I claim this is – again – just a matter of training. When a toddler walks around a train, however, touching people and disturbing their privacy, we have to find it cute and confirm with admiring “aaah”s and “oooh”s. Or otherwise we are a coldblooded asshole.
  5. …or to not leave them alone when they bother you.
    Have you ever tried to tell a kid to protect you from a burglar? Do you think it would have the strength to do so?
  6. They will love you no matter what.
    All they want from you is food, petting and nice walks. And that’s it, forever. They don’t suddenly request branded shoes, a car, or other materialistic stuff – just to hate you when you say no.
  7. They won’t disappoint you.
    Training always pays off: You can teach them funny tricks and they will be happy to fulfill them. The training of kids however could suddenly become completely pointless once they turn 18 and decide they want to become an artist/drug addict/politician instead. And all the years of expensive education were for nothing. They most likely won’t even be able to pay for your winter garden either, and probably just forget you exist (unless they want something).
  8. Their life span is shorter than that of a baby, and you can just get a new one if they die.
    If it turns out not to be the right dog, you just have to wait about 10 years. Then you can get a new one. Or in the worst case, you can even sell it and swap it with a new one. Or if you have had enough, sell it and don’t get a new one. So many options. But the kid – well, that you will have to take care of forever.

So no matter whether you yourself are planning to have a baby soon, or your relatives are questioning you over and over again when you finally plan on starting your family, consider these points (or refer to them). Life changing decisions are pretty much that – life changing. And a dog is also fun, lovable and a nice hobby. Just a little less long-lasting.

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