Its is not exactly rare, but also not very common to find those people in our lives. There is a negative correlation with age, actually – probably because the needs are rising. When we are kids, we have dozens of those friends, ’cause the only requirement is that they like playing in the sand as much as we do. We grow older, and it becomes more challenging: for ourselves to fit in, and for others to share our interests. Hobbies, humor and intellect need to have a certain intersection with ours. Luckily, we meet people where we execute at least one of those things – during sports class, or at the university. But how likely is it that the rest of the attitude also matches ours? Or, does it even have to – maybe we could have a different friend for each occasion?
However, sometimes we are lucky and we get the all-in-one package. It doesn’t mean that each and every activity has to be done together, but if you have the same mindset and you are equally spontaneous, there are fewer obstacles to do so. And how nice is it to have someone with whom you share the things you experience!
As long as this relationship is completely non-emotional (having written first “as long as you are of the same gender” I apologize for my heterosexual thoughts deriving from my own nature), there is no problem. It could last forever. It will survive ups and downs and fights and arguments, ’cause feelings are only hurt temporarily and emotions are not really involved.
But hell breaks lose if this happens with someone you are also physically interested in! Even rarer than finding platonic friends is finding someone you get along with so well and you develop interest on a different level. But it is a blessing and a curse at the same time. ‘Cause most certainly, this kind of relationship won’t last forever: it will be shattered by downs and arguments, and ultimately it might have been doomed from the beginning because one part had way more feelings than the other. And then not only your feelings are hurt, but you also lose an awesome person from your life.
Thinking back to the initial example – how would you feel if someone told you all of a sudden that you are not allowed to talk to this special person anymore? All the jokes and fun times you shared are over right now, because feelings are involved and they just got hurt. It sucks, right? You would totally disagree with this someone demanding such an unreasonable thing from you – and yet, when affection is involved, we know we kind of have to agree. No matter on which side we are standing. If we are the one feeling less and breaking things, we would love to keep the contact – but we cannot request this from a person who will be hurt every time they meet us. On the other hand, if we are the one feeling more, we would not really wish to see our potential ex moving on with other people.
Solution-oriented as my university life taught me to be, I am struggling to not only complain (yes, some people told me my blog is definitely to be found from the complaining section), but also offer a way out of this dilemma. Going through a lot of goodbyes in general recently, I have to say that the broken heart is probably not really the worst thing to a break-up – it’s the fact that someone you find awesome is taken from your life. As there is no solution to my foreigner-friends leaving back to their home countries, let me at least try to find one to this breaking-up problem that cuts the contact with important people.
I can only think of silly ones, though: Maybe we shouldn’t fall in love but instead seek deep friendships. And have casual affairs with people we don’t really care about or want to get to know closer. Sounds great in theory – and if someone ever finds the “out-of-love” button, I would be thrilled to be the one to share the knowledge with. But the whole package is just so tempting… Or maybe we should be greater than our own emotions and just stay friends afterwards. But who can control their own, the other person’s, plus the new partner’s jealousy?
I leave this week’s blog entry with no solution to the problem as I don’t have one, and instead dedicate it to my awesome friends who I met so far throughout my life and who share so much with me, no matter whether I have known them for 15 years or 3 months. Plus I leave some dedication and a little tear to the guys I could unfortunately not stay friends with because of these damn emotions, no matter on which side. Because sometimes in life things just happen, and there is no deeper meaning.